sleep is overrated

I just have to say 3 things:

1) 2 am
2) flip-flop spades
3) doritos and m&m's

Do you know where your friends are? :)

good things

I've been thinking lately about all the good things in my life, and how they add so much to my daily life and who I am. Yet at the same time good things can be really distracting, and if there are too many of them they can be really draining. Sometimes saying no to good things is what we really need, even though it's difficult. It's especially hard for me to say no to good things sometimes when they involve relationships with friends and other people, since loyalty and being a good friend are some of my highest priorities and make me who I am. Tonight I was supposed to go to EPIC, but there were a lot of things that have been distracting me lately, and a lot of things I had been pushing off. So I stayed home and did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. And I realized that's a good thing too - both the saying no, and the cleaning of the kitchen. And now I'm just sitting in the livingroom, with a clean kitchen, one lamp on, the fan blowing and the windows wide open to the gorgeous night, listening to my favorite mix of songs, letting the peace and rest wash over me. And that is truly a good thing.

contentment

today was interesting, as I would randomly realize I was content out of the blue. A lot's been on my mind lately, personally and with work, which kind of makes me preoccupied all day, as I tend to think about it and try to figure out what's going on or what to do. Stuff tends to cloud my mind also when I'm tired, and I was very tired today, as I haven't gotten much sleep in the last few days. But all of a sudden I would realize I had a very full and content feeling, which was neat. One was when I was in the pool at my friend's house, just sitting there doing nothing, having fun sitting in the water and enjoying the people sitting around me. (and I realize I need to get to the pool more, that's one of the things I really miss from being a kid! We used to go to the pool every night in the summer - it was great :) Then I went to church to help in the nursery with VBS. I had signed up a while ago, and didn't really want to do it today after all, as I was super tired, and preoccupied with what I have to do tomorrow. I really didn't have much energy to play with a bunch of kids! But my friend's daughter Ann was kind of fussy, since she wasn't feeling well. So I just fed her crackers, and then we just sat on the couch as she laid against my chest, and I rubbed her back for most of the time. And I found myself really content, sitting there with her fitting perfectly in my lap, with the fan blowing on us, just taking it easy since we both had a rough day. And I was being useful, just sitting there holding her. And I felt content and full and happy, and wishing I could just hold her more often. I love her Ann and her sisters so much, and they aren't even my own kids. It's going to be so amazing to be able to just sit and hold and enjoy my own daughter someday. It's so amazing how God makes little kids so cute and with such ability to trust and love and be loved. Well, I'm going to sign off now, as I have to get up early tomorrow, and I need sleep!

walking by faith, not by sight

2 Corinthians 5:7 - We walk by faith, not by sight....The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

Some verses you just know, since you've memorized them and heard them your whole life. Somehow they take on a whole new meaning though when you're actually living them. Funny how I reach back for comforting verses to reassure myself, as we often do. Give me a verse to comfort me and reassure me that everything's going to be okay. Funny how that's exactly what these verses do. And yet, stopping and thinking about the meaning, and realizing that's what you have to do right now. Somehow it's easier to say these verses and feel totally comfortable with the meaning when you CAN see what's ahead. Oh, yeah, walk by faith, not by sight, no problem! But sitting and wrestling with the practical, down to earth, immediate consequences of those verses when you really can't see...wow. not such an easy kind of thing anymore.

This has me thinking about our witness too. How many times do we rattle off verses to non-Christians trying to comfort them or witness or whatever, just because we've memorized them and those are the verses we are "supposed" to say, without truly wrestling with the implications of those verses? Do they truly have meaning in our lives? Do we remember the struggles we went through later on and what those verses really mean when things are okay again?

Business card briefings

so another of our many somewhat random topics of conversation this afternoon was about making business cards for our personal use, and what would be on them to be representative of ourselves. So of course I thought of putting a penguin on mine, because that would be something that would represent me, and when people think of me and my favorite animal, they think of penguins. (Plus I think it would be so cool to go to Antarctica sometime! and it would help me round out my goal of traveling to every continent in my lifetime.) BUT, giving out my business card with a penguin on it doesn't seem very...professional, or businesslike, or whatever a business card is supposed to represent. So there's this dichotomy between who I am and my interests and what I like and what people expect me to present myself as, or what they think an aspiring professional, educated, straight-laced graduate student should be! And that's precisely what I hate! Having to represent myself as something other than who I want to be just to satisfy the conventions or stereotypes of society. We even discussed that this afternoon, how I don't want to be "pegged" as anything and I'm continually trying to do things that will totally surprise people, and they would never imagine in a million years that Kelly would do something like that. So I don't know what to do with that. A lot of times I feel like I should just accept that - it's the way society is. And then I feel like I shouldn't have to accept it, because it just feels wrong.

honesty

So one of the things that really stood out at me from this afternoon's conversation was about blogs being honest or being only what you want other people to know/see about you. So that really got me started thinking about honesty and what it means. If you only reveal parts of yourself to someone, is that not being honest? I mean we often say that you have to tell the whole truth to be completely honest. But that often refers to someone conveniently leaving out information that could change the situation if it was known. Is it not being honest to not share information that doesn't necessarily change the picture? Can you be honest, especially about yourself if you don't tell everything? what exactly is honesty beyond not lying or intentionally misleading someone?

The other view from wood road...

wow, what an amazing evening. I'm sitting on the back porch writing this post, and it's the perfect temperature with the perfect humidity, the sky is clear and there's an amazing sunset. The lawn is polka-dotted with flashing fireflies, and the air is punctuated with the hum of the haying machines....I'm actually quite amused again. it's one of those "all's right with the world" moments, and one of those moments where oddly enough, all these random things seem to come together. Like being out in the fields watching the haying machines at 9:00 on a saturday night. It's funny and amusing and randomness coming together all at once! I have never known much at all about any sort of farm stuff, but a couple of weeks ago in my business class, we had a guy from Case New Holland come over and talk to us about farming equipment. I never knew it was so sophisticated and complex! It was intriguing, and one of those things I filed away in my mind for later. And now, just a few short weeks later, I can see it in action in the field next to my house! It's also funny, because the haying machine is John Deere, not CNH, which amuses me too (yes, only I would be amused by that!). It's just so perfect sitting out here, in this house, with this view, looking at the freshly cut lawn, and OH - earlier this evening I heard a rustling in the little thicket we have out back, thinking - that's a HUGE rabbit, and out ran a deer! Probably an early teenage deer, if it was a person. Quite cool! The first time I've really seen a deer here. Hmm, what to do next? Take a walk? Lay on the lawn and watch the stars?
almost anything on this perfectly perfect evening.... sigh.

Mt. Gretna musings

Okay, so here we go, my first foray into the world of blogging... :) I was sort of talked into it by my roommate Joanna to begin with the other day when she started her blog. I wanted to comment on her postings, but couldn't unless I signed up myself (which she has since changed). But anyhow, I decided to create a site but wasn't planning on posting anything, since I don't know what to write, don't know many people who would be interested in reading it, and generally didn't want to feel like I had to post anything on a regular basis, just for the few people who might actually read it! but that's digressing.... so this post is a specific response to somewhat of a challenge or an interesting idea that came out of this afternoon's discussion at the Jigger Shop in Mt. Gretna. John and Joanna and I were chatting, and the subject of blogs came up. I can tell that John has a really high opinion of blogs (ha ha :) and the joke evolved into seeing what a person really thought of something, someone, or some event by reading their blog. So then it was decided that each of us should post our thoughts on the afternoon via blog. Of course I can't resist a good challenge, so I figured I'd take up the task at hand. Plus, we had a really great conversation on the way home, it's a nice evening, and I'm home by myself sitting on the porch, so I'm in the mood to just chill out and discourse on the discussion of the afternoon :) And, amazingly, the past 15 minutes have flown by, since my spinach casserole is now beeping at me from inside. MMM, Spinach Fandango! An amazing recipe courtesy of my Messiah roommate Suzanne. Yum!

Okay, so I'm back. How to distill this afternoon down into a blog posting.... it started out as an idea Joanna had of going hiking this afternoon. I've never been to Mt. Gretna, though it is not too far outside of Hershey. She insisted that I had to go, since it was a cute place, and she couldn't believe I'd never been there! And I'm glad I went :) It is a quaint little town, very New Englandy feeling to me. Reminded me a lot of upstate New York, and the cabins that are around Lake Ozonia that my dad's family goes to each year. It really reminded me a lot of summer vacation for some reason, probably because of the way the houses were, the fact that there was a lake to swim in, and the little walking paths and stone steps going places. Oddly enough, it reminded me of an artisan community I visited in Taiwan! There were a lot of places with steep stone steps leading places in that town in Taiwan, which might be why I was reminded of it.

The whole afternoon was really nice, and I enjoyed walking around the lake and everything. But for me, the afternoon really picked up soon after we had finished walking on this little path that was connected to the main parts by those stone steps I was mentioning before. When we came down and out onto the main part again, we were by the Mt. Gretna Playhouse, which was performing a musical review of Cole Porter. For some reason, that just really tickled me that we were outside of it, watching part of it through the curtains. A lot of the places looked Victorian/dollhouse like, and it just highly amused me for some reason! Then we went to the gift shop, which was also fun. I like poking around in them and looking at all the different stuff they have. So I went inside, and when I came out, I found that Joanna and John had discovered a rack of puzzles! Wow, how funny! We have a thing for puzzles, and it was just so much fun being random and looking at all of these old puzzles and the comments written on them. So we ended up buying these puzzles, since they were only like a buck apiece. The funny part looking at these puzzles is that John and Joanna bought puzzles that had no picture on the front of them! while the one had an interesting name (golden harvest), I'm not sure I could have bought a puzzle with no picture on the front! Of course I had to look it up on google also, just to satisfy my curiosity! :)

so then we went from there to the Jigger shop to get some ice cream. John and Joanna were completely "puzzled" as to what to get (of course bad puns are par for the course, at least when John and I are around...) But they finally settled on something, and we sat down to commence quite a long but interesting conversation, about everything from Rachel's going away party to what we're doing on the 4th of July to blogs themselves to what we would put on our business cards to what would be something to define us, to the discussions and meetings that have been going on at Hershey Free - you name it, it was mentioned!! But that was the cool part about the afternoon, and it's just what I'm all about. Friends sitting around and having a good time with one another, giving each other a hard time but not too hard a time, discussing what's important in our lives, whether it be what to do for a good friend that's leaving, how to make a potato themed meal without potatoes, or how do you walk as a leader of the church and discern God's calling as well as remaining sensitive to and taking into account the church's feelings in the matter as well. It was just really neat. This evening when I was talking to Rachel, she was talking about leaving the group and she said "this group has a different feeling to it than other groups of friends I've had. you just feel peace when you're with this group". Wow. that really meant a lot to me. It's so true for me, and it's what I wanted God to accomplish through this group when it got started. I don't know that I could have articulated it that way back then, but it's so amazing to think that's what He's done for us. It will be hard to move on whenever God calls me to move on, but right now I'm just so thankful and so humbled by what he's done, that I'm just trying to enjoy every moment that I have while I have it.