It's been a crazy few weeks. Not only was I sick for a little bit, but life's been kind of generally nuts. And crazy old me decided that I wanted to be right, nad things weren't going well, so I picked fights with God. The thing about that is that strangely enough, God's always right. Man, I hate that!
It was funny, I had been complaining to God a lot about a situation at work. This one person, a grown man who should know better and outwardly has so much going for him decided to squash me and run all over me for no reason. He has no regard for anyone else, does whatever he wants without thinking of how it will hurt other people, intentionally makes himself look better, whines about everything, wants what other people have, and generally makes life miserable for everyone. He also asks people to do things for him, then disregards what they have put in place, doing what he wants anyway. It got to the point where I would duck into the bathroom when I saw him coming because I couldn't stand it any longer.
Fast forward to Friday night. Keep in mind, I have been kind of mad at God, since nothing is going my way, and I feel like David - "why O Lord, do the wicked prosper?" Joanna was out of town, and I hadn't slept well in a while, because of being sick. I woke up around 2 am and was kind of jumpy, because there were all sorts of strange noises. I kind of whined to God - please, can I just get some sleep?! And then it hit me. I am just like this person at work. I whine and complain when I don't get my way. I want what other people have sometimes. I ask God for advice and help, and then end up doing what I want anyway. What if God decided I was on his last nerve and ducked into the men's room everytime I came to him? What if he can't stand the sight of me, and wants to leave the room because my sins are so glaringly evident?
Praise God that he doesn't. Another interesting thing that happened was that one afternoon I decided that I had enough of being a Christian. Oh, I don't mean I didn't want to follow God anymore, or doubted my faith. I just didn't want to BE a Christian or at least ACT like one. So I decided to purposely remove my "christian" hat, so to speak and forget I was a Christian for one afternoon. I would have my 2 cents worth with everyone I was mad at, and that would be it. God would forgive me, my anger would be out, life would be better. The strange thing was, I couldn't remove my "christian hat". It wasn't so simple as taking off a piece of clothing and setting it aside. It was more like trying to pull apart slime or goo or getting rid of bread dough from your fingers as you knead it. Being a Christian is so much a part of me, so ingrained in my being, you can't just set it aside at a whim. It was quite a revelation.
Romans 8:31
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
36 As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l]
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
