Reflections

I've been reminded a lot lately of all that's gone on in the last year - lots of changes, lots of good things, lots of joys, lots of fears and unknowns. My friend Cheryl always says to me - think of where you'll be in a year from now, looking back. Kind of interesting - I don't remember exactly how I felt a year ago - July 6th, 2009. I imagine I was a combination of nervous and excited and certain but uncertain at the same time. My roommate had just moved out to get married, leaving me alone in the farmhouse, and I was a few hours away from defending my Ph.D. - a few short months after my committee told me I might get a Master's degree. I didn't have a job, and was getting ready to move back in with my folks, leaving the farmhouse in Hershey that I had called home for 4 years. Quite a lot going on, wasn't there?

And here I am today, July 6th, 2010. New state, new house, new job, on my way to new friends and new routines. Lots of things have been good, especially in the last 4-5 months that I've been in NC. Lately though, I've been really down on myself, letting those old familiar fears creep in somewhat. Your experiment isn't going to work, or get done on time, your boss is not going to think you're doing a good job, what if it fails, what if, what if, what if. Couple that with a pretty busy last few weeks with moving and traveling, and you have a recipe for a potential emotional disaster!

Fortunately though, God has been reminding me of his faithfulness and provision over the last year, and how his sense of timing is perfect. All of those times that I complained that I wasn't getting done faster (like in '07, '08, or '09) or that there were absolutely no leads on the job market.... and literally my current bosses were granted their funding October 1st, 2009, 3 weeks before I first interviewed at Duke for what has turned out to be an absolute perfect fit in terms of jobs. He's reminded me of his faithfulness in so many ways - rediscovery of my talk to CMS buried in my laptop (It was "thoughts on God's faithfulness and puzzle-making"), church on Sunday, Christian radio on the way home. It's been good to remember and to run to Him - makes the fear go away and not as prominent in my mind.

I'm reminded also to not worry about the things that "haven't happened yet". I am still looking for a church, and that had kind of been my primary focus - trying to "make it happen" so to speak. Sunday, I went to a church that totally isn't where I'm going to end up, but it was just what I needed for that Sunday, and the message completely fit with what God was telling me. It might not have happened if I had found the right church already. Why worry about finding Mr. Right or the fact that sometimes it feels like it's taking FOREVER with no leads.... oh yeah, God took care of the job situation when it took FOREVER with no leads...

Deuteronomy 10:20-21 Fear the LORD your God and serve him. Hold fast to him and take your oaths in his name. He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.