Listening

1 Kings 19:11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

I think lately I've been looking for the Lord in the fire and the earthquake and the wind. But I need to stop and listen for the gentle whisper.

Eternal Perspective

Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Do you ever feel like you have lost a little bit of your eternal perspective? Like you cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end? I've been thinking a lot about that lately. It's such an easy thing to do too, and hard to diagnose. I mean, I don't feel like I ever really lose my eternal perspective ~ I pray daily, think about God, try to be a witness for him, and go to Bible studies and church, and read my Bible. That's eternal perspective, right? But lately I've been thinking about how we forget the fact that we need to have an eternal perspective, and that it creeps in in sometimes insidious ways. Most often it shows up as selfish prayers. At least in my life anyway.

It's been an interesting last few months, especially since I know change is coming, at least on one or two levels. I still don't know where I'll end up when I'm done, maye staying here in Hershey or moving on. I'm excited by change, ready for change, yet still hesitant in some ways. God has been so good to me in the last few years - He has blessed me with a wonderful apartment, great friends and a caring community, and my family that's nearby. I've especially enjoyed getting to know my sister at lot more and spending time with her. It's been neat having my mom and dad nearby, and going for walks with my mom or lunch with my dad on a regular basis. Moving away would be exciting on one hand - seeing a new city, having new opportunities, etc... But on the other hand, it would be hard to let go of all the good things God has given me right here. I often waste time when I should be doing something else and working hard at the tasks God has given me for the moment.

So when I pray, it's often with a mind toward - "God, it's going to be hard to give this up and start all over. I'm weary, and don't know how well I'll deal with the loneliness or the initial lack of community, or starting all over with the new job, the new community, etc... God, it seems like all of my friends have found someone, or are married, and you haven't provided in that area yet. It would be really nice to have someone to share a life with, and when I move, I can move with/because of them, and not have to strike out completely on my own again. God, please provide a new job with lots of people to interact with, and to glorify you in my relationships. Please be forging my interactions with people ahead of time. It would be really neat to see what you're up to God - I know you're up to good things, but I don't see exactly what they are right now. Help me be patient until you reveal them to me".

While all of that is true, and it's even good to share with God what's going on, I feel that I've been losing eternal perspective. Have I been praising God for the good things he's given me the last few years? Not really. I kind of act like I deserve it, rather than being grateful that he's given me this apartment for the past two years, and allowed my family to live close by. He even provided a second family for me in grad school, and I didn't even ask him for it!

Matthew 7:9 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Marriage is another place where I think we can often lose eternal perspective. Too often we want to be married to satisfy our longing for companionship and relationship with others. We want it to fulfill our desire for unconditional love. We forget that marriage is an earthly picture of our relationship as the church and the bride of Christ. We should be focusing on making ourselves ready as the bride of Christ first and foremost. Marriage is indeed a good thing, and can provide that companionship and relationship. But if we don't see ourselves as who we are in Christ, as his bride, then we might run into problems later on.

Finally, I've been thinking about eternal perspective and time. Would we waste as much time if we knew that our time on earth is limited and precious? Or would we make eternal choices- kingdom choices with our time? And what do those kingdom choices look like?


Revelation 19:6 Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
"Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
7Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
8Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear." (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Life

So it's been a while since I've posted. One month to be exact. The past few weeks have been interesting - everything hit the fan, so to speak, and I kind of lost it for about a week. Do you ever have those not eating, not sleeping, panic in the pit of your stomach feelings? The ones that make you go AGGHHHH!!!! Get me out!!! NOW! kind of feelings? Yeah, I had those about a week ago. They cause me to make some stupid decisions, which I had to go back and fix. And then I forced myself to eat properly again, sleep each night, and pray. Well, not just me,I have to admit it was with a little help from my second family :) You know how bad it was when the thought of ice-cream made me nauseous (I know, it was REALLY bad!)

So what am I learning? God is gracious for one. People are generally more gracious than you realize as well. I'm realizing for all the supposed "matureness for my age" I've been told most of my life, I'm still really really young. And that means I make stupid mistakes and need advisors (but those advisors only help when you listen to them!) Even though I can't think of anyone who would say I'm a selfish person, that I still can be selfish without even knowing it. I'm learning to deal with the consequences of what I got myself into, and knowing that it will be ok in the end, even though the process is insane and painful. Learning that God can use hard experiences in our lives to mature us and make us who He wants us to be. An interesting quote (and I paraphrase) - God wants you to get where he wants you to go MORE than you want to get where he wants you to go. Kind of a cool thought, even if the process makes you want to pull your hair out in the meantime.

Bearing fruit takes time

I've been thinking a lot lately about the verses in John - "I am the vine, you are the branches". Thinking about how we have to remain in the vine to bear fruit. And how the fruits of the spirit take time to develop. But so often I pray for things, especially change in my own life, and I don't see immediate results! And I keep praying for a little while, and then I get frustrated with God because it doesn't look like things are going anywhere. But I need to remember that apple trees and pear trees and grapevines don't get planted one day and produce luscious fruit the next. It takes time, and careful watering, and fertilizing, and protection from the wind and hail, and pruning from the gardener. John also says that we must remain in him. He repeats that several times in the passage. We can't just jump ship and uproot ourselves because we aren't producing fruit fast enough. Perhaps sometimes it's a vanity issue? We want to produce lots of sweet, juicy fruit right away so people can come and say "wow! Look at that tree! God must be doing good stuff in them - look how well they are producing!" People don't tend to notice a tree that's just sitting there, in the process of putting forth buds, before the blossoms come out. The other cool thing that I need to remember as well is that each stage of the process is beautiful in its own right. The tree with blossoms is pretty, even though the fruit has not matured yet. And when the fruit is just ripening, that's neat too, to see how it grows and matures. Then the last stage is good as well, when the fully mature fruit is ripe and ready for eating.

John 15:1" I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

Bloom where you're planted

Last Friday I was pretty frustrated - the week was hard, and nothing seemed to be accomplished the way it needed to be accomplished or should have been accomplished. I felt like all week I had been beating my head against the wall and embodying the philosophy "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again". That evening a few of us got together for prayer, as we usually do on Fridays, and one of my friends as he prayed for me and my research said "Father, help Kelly to realize that this is real life. Let her know that life doesn't begin after grad school, that this is real life". I was kind of puzzled for a while, and mad a little, because I didn't want that to be real life! Real life is supposed to be good, supposed to be hard for a little while, and then get better, especially if you pray a lot about your situation. I mean, God can't keep not answering your prayer forever, right?

As is often the case when God is trying to speak to me, he doesn't just say things once and leave me alone. Last week, I had heard a sermon about how Joseph, and how he was faithful even in the middle of his story. It was hard, and took YEARS to get out of it, but God gave him big things to be in charge of, because he was faithful in little.

The sermon this Sunday was on Jeremiah 29 and how the Israelites were in exile, but told to settle down, plant fields and harvest them, and to give their sons and daughters in marriage. What?? Kind of crazy, since they were in exile, and that's certainly not what God had in mind for them. But it was a good reminder to me - this is real life. I can't always be looking forward to the next step, trying to ignore or avoid or bypass what's going on right now, in front of me. Kind of also reminds me of the movie Mary Poppins. Remember the point in the movie where the twins could talk to the birds in their window? And then the twins got older, and no longer understood the birds. I don't want to get to the point where I no longer hear the birds, no longer see what's right in front of me, just because I grow up and other things crowd me out. May I be like a little child, coming to my Father, trusting him to carry me through day by day, and truly experiencing real life, here and now.

Don't throw stones in a glass house

It's been a crazy few weeks. Not only was I sick for a little bit, but life's been kind of generally nuts. And crazy old me decided that I wanted to be right, nad things weren't going well, so I picked fights with God. The thing about that is that strangely enough, God's always right. Man, I hate that!

It was funny, I had been complaining to God a lot about a situation at work. This one person, a grown man who should know better and outwardly has so much going for him decided to squash me and run all over me for no reason. He has no regard for anyone else, does whatever he wants without thinking of how it will hurt other people, intentionally makes himself look better, whines about everything, wants what other people have, and generally makes life miserable for everyone. He also asks people to do things for him, then disregards what they have put in place, doing what he wants anyway. It got to the point where I would duck into the bathroom when I saw him coming because I couldn't stand it any longer.

Fast forward to Friday night. Keep in mind, I have been kind of mad at God, since nothing is going my way, and I feel like David - "why O Lord, do the wicked prosper?" Joanna was out of town, and I hadn't slept well in a while, because of being sick. I woke up around 2 am and was kind of jumpy, because there were all sorts of strange noises. I kind of whined to God - please, can I just get some sleep?! And then it hit me. I am just like this person at work. I whine and complain when I don't get my way. I want what other people have sometimes. I ask God for advice and help, and then end up doing what I want anyway. What if God decided I was on his last nerve and ducked into the men's room everytime I came to him? What if he can't stand the sight of me, and wants to leave the room because my sins are so glaringly evident?

Praise God that he doesn't. Another interesting thing that happened was that one afternoon I decided that I had enough of being a Christian. Oh, I don't mean I didn't want to follow God anymore, or doubted my faith. I just didn't want to BE a Christian or at least ACT like one. So I decided to purposely remove my "christian" hat, so to speak and forget I was a Christian for one afternoon. I would have my 2 cents worth with everyone I was mad at, and that would be it. God would forgive me, my anger would be out, life would be better. The strange thing was, I couldn't remove my "christian hat". It wasn't so simple as taking off a piece of clothing and setting it aside. It was more like trying to pull apart slime or goo or getting rid of bread dough from your fingers as you knead it. Being a Christian is so much a part of me, so ingrained in my being, you can't just set it aside at a whim. It was quite a revelation.

Romans 8:31
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
36 As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l]

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Pile higher and Deeper (aka Ph.D.)

This is for all of you in grad school or those of you who can identify with someone in grad school...these comics are great!

www.phdcomics.com/comics.php

(sorry, for some reason I can't get blogger to make it an actual link...)

Rhythm

It's been kind of a crazy week. I was gone to DC for a conference with work last Saturday through Wednesday morning, so the rest of my week has been trying to sort through the many miscellaneous tasks on my to-do list. Stuff like: unpack, go to lab, pack lab since it's moving, prepare experiments, feed my "children", get ready for lab meeting, grocery shop (it's been about a month), oil change, wash dishes, catch up with my brother who came into town, mow lawn, etc... And when I have a lot going on, I tend to think more for some reason. So there's been a lot of stuff on my mind, not bad, just trying to figure out how everything fits together.

Since I missed church last week and this week has been kinda busy, I prayed this morning that church would be really meaningful. I especially missed the songs - I always like worship, especially if there's a really good beat or you can clap and get into the songs. Church this Sunday was Youth Sunday, meaning that the service was entirely designed and run by the youth group. So the songs were upbeat, but there were about 3 electric guitars and lots of technical difficulties with the media presentations and song slides, and everything. I also think I'm getting old, because I wished it wasn't so loud, and that there was less distortion in the electric guitars! Anyhow, that's beside the point.

Toward the end of the service, I was kind of wondering if I'd get anything out of it after all, and feeling bad that I felt like I had to get something out of it. After all, the youth worked hard, and obviously put thought into it. The service was almost over, and then they showed a Rob Bell film called Rhythm. If you haven't seen any Rob Bell/Nooma films, you really should. They are great. Anyway, this film is about having a relationship with God, and what that looks like. It starts out with part of an orchestra practicing a song in an empty auditorium. While I don't remember most of what Rob Bell said in the film, it's ok, because I had my "ah ha" moment after all. It was like everything I had been thinking about and processing lately suddenly fell into place, into a framework where it all made sense.

One of the things I had been thinking about was how to explain free will vs. God's control of our life to a non-Christian. I was asked that recently, and asked to explain the fact that these two ideas seem mutually exclusive. I came up with a satisfactory answer at the time, but wanted a better analogy. So this morning, it kind of came to me. It's like the orchestra. God is the conductor, and often times the composer of the music. We are the members of the orchestra - God has given us all different instruments, and we have a choice as to whether or not we want to join the orchestra. Once we join, we agree to follow the conductor who will lead us, joining the separate parts and making them flow and create something beautiful. But sometimes the violinists squabble amongst themselves, fighting to be designated first chair, or upset because the violin is so small compared to the cello. Or the percussion section flaunts its ego, and tries to drown out the piccolo or the flute. And even though we're supposed to always watch the conductor, we sometimes get caught up in reading the music that we take our eyes off the conductor and find that we're out there on our own, off the beat and sticking out like a sore thumb. Back to the free will analogy, we are following the conductor, but we have free will to take our eyes off of him and look at the notes ourselves. Sometimes things turn out okay - we continue playing and it sounds great. Other times, we're a little bit off, and we miss the timing on the crescendo or we don't see the stop/rest that the conductor has put in.

As to the music itself, who better to lead us than the composer. After all, he knows the song backwards and forwards, inside and out. He knows what's coming next and how it all should sound. Yet we get small glimpses of it at a time - just a few pages at a time, or a few bars at a time. And sometimes God builds in repeats, giving us another chance to display the beauty in a particular piece. If we had all the pages out at once, we would get lost trying to keep up with our place in the song. But sometimes we're impatient, and try to skip ahead, with disastrous results. And other times we need people there to turn the pages for us, to support us so there's no break in the song.

And like any good musician, we need to practice, practice, practice, and keep our instruments in good shape. We can't forget to tune our instruments occasionally, or grease the bow or discard those old, broken drumsticks. It's interesting, when musicians practice, they can dress however they want - no one's watching. Yet perhaps the janitor is cleaning up, or the sound guy is getting the bugs out of the system. So we should still strive to do our best, even in the practice times. We also can't be afraid to practice just because they might hear us, even when we're not ready. The cool thing is that someday all that practicing will pay off, and we'll be dressed and ready to go. We'll all tune our instruments, and fix our eyes on the conductor. And he'll lead us all together in an amazing display of beauty and artistry for the whole world to see. And who gets the ultimate credit in the end? The conductor, of course. What an amazing day that will be. I can't wait.

Recognizing beauty

I was sent this interesting link today, about recognizing beauty. Read through the article - it's thought provoking! Especially the part about the people who didn't hear him because they were listening to their iPods (so real-to-life!).

Let's hope we can take time to stop and recognize the extra-ordinary in our lives.

Here's the article - Pearls Before Breakfast:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html?hpid=topnews

To Vermont and back

I've had a really nice weekend so far. On Thursday afternoon my dad and I went to Vermont to visit my grandmother and a couple of my uncles. This is my dad's side of the family, and I always love taking road trips with my dad. I think it's because we just get each other, and can talk about anything and everything. Plus it's fun to get on his case about which is better - geology or biology :)

This weekend was also challenging in some ways. My grandmother will be 85 in two weeks, and while she's in great shape physically, she's got some dementia and is pretty forgetful. I even hate saying she has dementia, because that seems really harsh and like she's demented in some way, which she isn't. It's just old age creeping up on her.

Even though it was a good weekend, it was frustrating sometimes. I couldn't help but compare her situation to my grandfather's, especially since he passed away only two months ago. Their cases are two extremes - my grandfather's body totally failed him, yet his mind remained pretty much intact until the end. My grandmother on the other hand, is perfectly fine physically, but her mind is failing her. She had a hard time remembering who my dad was, let alone who I was. So I started thinking about what makes a person a person, and what is life all about. In some ways, I think my grandfather had a better situation - even though he lost his physical abilities, at least he retained his mind, and could interact with others, solidly reminisce about the past, and knew who loved him and where he was. My grandma, however, is stuck reminiscing about the past because she has to, and it's the only way she can keep a grasp on anything.

So how do you treat someone who is at the end of their life, and still preserve dignity and respect their personhood? My grandma is funny - she ate four bites of salad, and two bites of fish for lunch on Friday. And she insisted she was TOTALLY and COMPLETELY full. Couldn't eat another bite. Absolutely refused. Not another bite of food could be coerced past her lips. About 2 minutes later, they offered us some cherry pie for dessert. Guess who ate the WHOLE piece in about 30 seconds flat? Yup, my grandma :) And life came full circle for my dad and uncle, as they kept telling her - "You can't have dessert unless you finish ALL your food! Just a few more bites of fish, and then you can have some pie." It was kind of funny, but at the same time, kind of weird. Here she is, an 85 year old lady, and she was being treated like a kid. But her mind is like a kid's mind though. When we'd head back to her room, she'd say - "yup, heading back to 3-0-4, Pat Seaton, S-e-a-t-o-n. That's me! " And then she'd laugh and scrutinize the numbers on the hallway until she came to her room.

The other thing that made me sad is that as her mind goes, the "present" to her gets progressively farther and farther back in time. It's as if memories are being slowly eroded from the present and going backwards. Recently she got a new bed - she went from a double bed to a single bed. We asked her how she liked her new bed, and she said - "yup, it's a single bed now, because there's just one of me. I used to have a double bed, but now there's just one of me. I used to have a double bed, but I don't need it now. I'm missing my husband these days, and don't need a double bed, because there's just one of me." Now my Grandpa Seaton died almost 25 years ago, but to her, going from a double bed to a single bed triggered those memories again, and it's as if it happened recently.

So I don't really know what to make of all this. Even though I think my Grandpa Brownell who died in Feb. had it better, he wouldn't say he did. In fact, he said he hated living that way, having someone do everything for him, even down to showering him and changing his diapers. But I think it must be awful to be my Grandma Seaton, who lives her life and has people show up that she vaguely remembers, and then having these "strangers" sit around with her all day, trying to convince her to eat more broccoli and less cherry pie! How frustrating it must be to remember people as they were twenty years ago, and then to have them show up now, looking different, and telling you that your world is just a figment of the past, and things have moved on. I don't know, I guess either way, life does come full circle. We're born helpless, having others feed us, bathe us, change our diapers, and telling us that we can't eat our dessert until we finish our dinner. And we sometimes leave helpless, having others feed us, bathe us, changing our diapers, and telling us we can't eat our dessert until we finish our dinner. And in the meantime, the rest of us are stuck in the middle, worrying about things that have absolutely no meaning in the grand scheme of things, and we forget what truly matters in life.

I guess that's where grace comes in.

A harvest of righteousness

I've been pretty frustrated at some things the past few weeks, and a multitude of seemingly little things from many people have added up to the point of boiling over. Plus God has been asking me to persevere in several areas of my life. Somehow I just didn't get the obvious - perseverance is HARD. I want to give up most of the time or just have the problem go away or be solved. I recently got to the point where all of this built up junk just boiled over. Kind of like a pipe that had a bunch of crud stuck in it, and when the pressure builds up too much it just explodes, showering the mess everywhere and covering everyone in the immediate area with rust and junk and gook, and it's not a pretty sight.

In trying to deal with myself and my attitude when I got to that boiling point, I realized that instead of turning to someone else for help and advice (and covering them with muck and gook), I needed to turn to God first. Not necessarily my first choice, since the results sometimes aren't immediate, and he tells you things you already know but don't want to hear. I ended up in Galatians and read Galatians 5. It starts off with that stuff I knew but didn't want to hear - stuff like "who bewitched you and caused you to fall away" and keeping on in the faith even though it goes against our fleshly nature.

But then I read the part about the fruits of the spirit. I've read it many times, but somehow in this situation, I looked at it a little bit differently. I usually don't like to work on these, because we usually pick one fruit, say patience, and then try to become patient in every area of our lives. And of course that doesn't work, so we give up or move on. This time though, I was so overwhelmed by all the stuff going on that I had to focus on just one situation. And guess what. I needed ALL of these fruits to deal with that situation. But somehow the situation became more manageable, because I broke it down into parts and specific ways in which I could exhibit the fruits of the spirit. And God is not calling me to change anything about the situation, he's calling me to exhibit the fruits of the spirit even though I'm mad and frustrated and upset.

So my prayer is: "Father, help me to LOVE even though I've been hurt. Help me to have JOY even though my day is kind of rotten. May I have your PEACE even though I'm upset and frustrated. May I have PATIENCE to walk with you until the end of the situation. May I be KIND towards those who have hurt me, possibly without even knowing it. May I desire GOOD and not evil and be FAITHFUL to continue to work towards reconciliation and resolution. May my words be GENTLE and my actions SELF-CONTROLLED, even though I may want to react in anger and from frustration. Because I belong to you, Christ Jesus, and I have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since I live by the Spirit, help me to walk in your Spirit."

Truth in advertising

Some people keep trying to push for truth in advertising. You know, not letting any exaggerated claims or untruths make their way into that little jingle or blurb that gets written to entice you into buying something you really don't need or to hide the true conditions of the item in question. Sometimes though the push for truth in advertising might go a little too far. Case in point:

Original advertisement:

For Rent: Cute, 1 1/2 BR, 1 BA white farmhouse tucked away on quiet country lot. Easy access to major medical center and highways providing access to suburban amenities, as well as a walking trail/bike path. Pleasantly nestled between two large agricultural fields, providing sunset views and scenic surroundings. Street address lends itself to unique and interesting blog titles and nearby pond provides rare glimpse at aquatic wildlife in the midst of suburban neighborhood. Charming plaster walls and original fixtures (including bathtub and doors/doorhandles) lend an aura of reminiscence for days gone by. Large yard suitable for gardening and playing croquet or volleyball. Tenant responsible for lawn care and all utilities except water.


Truth in advertising:

For Rent: Cute, 1 1/2 BR, 1BA white farmhouse tucked away on what seems to be a quiet country lot. It's fortunate that there is a major medical center nearby, as frequent accidents will occur at all hours of the day and night, so be prepared to have 911 on speed dial. This includes major car accidents and wipeouts by 10 year olds screaming bloody murder when they fall off their bike tearing down the hill. Easy access to major connecting routes means that everyone and their brother will know where your house is, and will often comment on such things as - "oh, I was just driving by your house the other day, and noticed you use Dawn dish detergent. Isn't it great?" Pleasantly nestled between two agricultural fields which provide pleasant views, scenic sunsets, and plenty of small rodents to inhabit your house when the corn's cut down, and hundreds of flies in January when they fertilize the fields (not to mention the pleasant aroma that goes with it). Occasional blown power line transformers may set the field on fire, which lends itself to a chance to meet your neighbors and for acquiring new dents in your car.

Street address lends itself to interesting and unique blog titles, and nearby pond frequently floods with heavy rain, thereby blocking your road to through traffic. Charming plaster walls fall apart whenever you try to hang even a calendar, plaster ceilings that crumble when pipes leak, and doorknobs that fall off at every turn are par for the course. A leaking bathtub necessitates replacement of the entire bathroom, as hardware stores don't like to reminisce about days gone by. Large yard suitable for playing croquet and volleyball, except when cars flip and overturn in the middle of the croquet lawn. Better take out extra life and health insurance, because you'll need it when you mow the lawn.

In case you're wondering where to call to rent this lovely villa ~ sorry, but it's already taken :) By two highly intelligent, charming, funny, creative, and stunningly beautiful women. And that, my friends, is truth in advertising.

Enough already!

Ok, I think God is trying to tell me something. For some reason James 1 has been on my mind for a few weeks. And every time I go to something where there's a testimony, the person mentions James 1. And tonight as I was sitting around waiting for Joanna to call me about where we're going to dinner, I thought I'd catch up on some blogs. One of Joanna's recommended blogs is Jeneric Jeneralities, so I thought I'd catch up on it. And guess what she mentions??? I'll give you 3 guesses, the first 3 don't count.

so here, for your reading pleasure, is James 1:

James 1

1James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes scattered among the nations:
Greetings.

Trials and Temptations

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

9The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.

12Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

13When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. 17Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

Listening and Doing

19My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. 21Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

26If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. 27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Quietness and Trust

Still

Words and Music by Reuben Morgan

Hide me now

Under your wings

Cover me

within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar

I will soar with you above the storm

Father you are king over the flood

I will be still and know you are god

Find rest my soul

In Christ alone

Know his power

In quietness and trust

Oh the irony...

Apparently a writer for the LA times wrote an article recently about what irony is and what it isn't. I liked his list of bona fide ironic stories, with a couple other ones I found along the way....

• Brewing heir Adolph Coors III was allergic to beer.
• County supervisors in Pima County, Ariz., held a closed meeting to discuss Arizona's open meeting law.
• U.S. Border Patrol uniforms are manufactured in Mexico.
• When the Berlin Wall came down in 1989, so many visitors were taking souvenir pieces that a protective fence was installed, so that, yes, the Berlin Wall was guarded by a wall.
• Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe's 2005 state of the nation address, in which he promised to remedy his country's chronic electricity shortages, was blacked out by a power failure.
• A 17-year-old Amish boy was electrocuted by a downed power line that became tangled in the wheels of his horse-drawn buggy.
• The "Marlboro Man" died of lung cancer.
• A 2001 Father's Day tribute on ESPN featured "How Sweet It Is (to be Loved by You)," sung by Marvin Gaye, who was shot and killed by his father in 1984.
• Entries for the Florida Press Club's 2005 Excellence in Journalism Award for hurricane coverage were lost in Hurricane Katrina.
• Adel Smith, president of the Muslim Union of Italy, who brought charges against Italian author Oriana Fallaci for defaming Islam, has been sentenced to six months in prison—for defaming the Catholic Church.
• That Valentine's Day was placed in February, just in case single people have recovered from the loneliness that Christmas and New Year's Eve induced.
• People who refuse to see a psychologist because they don't need to pay someone to help them out with their issues, but will gladly spend $100 a week at a tanning salon.
• That you wouldn't have the faintest idea if your accountant was ripping you off.

Warmth

So I have to laugh. I log on to the internet today, and my home page comes up. It's a weather page, which likes to compare today to yesterday. Guess what it says? Today is forecast to be Warmer than yesterday. Just like that - red letters and everything, to make you feel Warmer as you read it, or something :) Why am I laughing? Because yesterday's high was a frigid 18 degrees, and today is forecast to be a high of 20 degrees. Ah yes, 20 degrees invokes such a feeling of Warmth. I guess it's all a matter of perspective :)

My Grandpa

I've been thinking lately about the past, and thinking about what I'm going to write in the book I'm writing about my life. I was going to write about high school, but that's a long and complicated story, so I'll save it for another time. Then I thought about people that have been in my life, and most of those stories are long and complicated too, and some of them read my blog, so getting the story "just right" would take a while. But my grandpa is dying, and I've been thinking about him lately, so I figured that might be a good place to start.

It's actually kind of interesting that I've been thinking about my grandpa so much, because I'm not actually that close to him, even though he's the only grandpa I've ever known. Grandpa Seaton died when I was about 3, and the only memories I have of him is a picture in my mind from when he visited us in Houston, and a memory of his burial, where I in my 3 year old mind couldn't understand how Grandpa could fit underneath the tarp that was only about 3 inches off the ground. But this Grandpa, Grandpa Brownell has always been around.

When I was little, we lived in Houston, and we'd fly back to visit Syracuse, where both my parents grew up, once or twice a year usually in the summer and sometimes at Thanksgiving or maybe Christmas. I always thought that was fun, because we'd see real snow, and get to make snowmen and snow angels (a novelty for us Texans!) I remember my grandparents meeting us at the gate, and riding home in their old Buicks or Oldsmobiles with the cushy seats. It's kind of strange, whenever I think of Grandpa Brownell, I don't usually think of him, I think of things associated with him, like his cars or the old falling down house they used to live in on Kirkville Road with the scary basement and huge vent in the middle of the hallway floor, or the time he took us down to the fire hall to see the fire engines and where my mom went to kindergarten. For some reason, I've always been hesitant to talk to these grandparents very much, maybe because I never knew what to say or what to ask when my parents were sitting in the same room, and they usually monopolized the conversation.

Most of my memories of my grandfather though are actually from the last 12 years or so, after he had his stroke and was confined to a wheelchair or his recliner. Somehow he became a little more approachable then. Maybe it's because he no longer towered over me (he's 6' plus or minus an inch or two) or because he had more time to sit and chat or I grew out of my shyness, or whatever. I remember being sad to see my grandpa in a wheelchair, but it's never seemed like a disability to me. It just became a little harder to play Scrabble or dominos with only one hand, but he did it well enough. I always knew he was in the army and the Korean War, but when I came to college in PA and actually knew where Fort Indiantown Gap was, it made it a little more interesting to me. He's had a hard life - he lost his only son during an operation for brain cancer when my uncle Gary was only 10. I don't think he's quite ever gotten over that, even though it's been 40+ years. But Grandpa has always been the sensitive one - he'd cry without fail everytime we left to go back to Houston on the plane, or everytime we get in the car to drive home. I never really knew any other grown man that would cry that openly, and it always made me want to cry, even just now thinking of it. I guess he knew how quickly life can disappear, or how each goodbye might be the last.

Even though we've been through this before (we thought it was the end my junior year in college and made a trip up to NY) I think this time it really is the end of the road for Grandpa. I think one of the things that makes me saddest is for my grandma, who will be married to him 52 years on Monday, and my mom. After all, even though he was just my grandpa who I didn't know very well, he was her dad. He was the one who yelled at her for going 70 miles an hour down a hill during the midst of the gas crisis in the 70's (she claims she couldn't help it, she was going downhill), and who taught her to be so good at Scrabble. He was the one who was a volunteer firefighter, driving the truck since he couldn't walk well enough to actually go in and put out the fires. I think that was the thing that made me proudest of him ever since I was little - the fact that he was a firefighter, and eventually won an award for his long years of service (30 or more?). But now all that is over, and we're just waiting for the end. Sneaks up on you kinda fast.

Catharsis

Yesterday evening, I was on my way to my parents and listening to the Writer's Almanac by Garrison Keillor on NPR. He was going through this day in history, and it was the birthday of W.C. Fields. And he gave two quotes that fit exactly with stuff I've been thinking about lately, so I thought I'd share them. And there's a few people I need to tell the second quote, but we'll chat later :)

Quote 1:
"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to."

Quote 2: "There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation."

Reflections

Last weekend, I went on a retreat in Sandy Cove, MD with the Christian Medical Society, which was a really great experience. The speaker, Dr. John Patrick, encouraged us to write our stories - to put down on paper our testimony and the various ways that God has worked in our lives. I have always said that I'm going to write a book before I die about my life, and some of the crazy things that have happened and just how God has worked in my life. A few months ago, I wrote to Susan Isaacs, a woman who has a blog and who had been looking for a church home. She was kind of stuck between a more liturgical service and an "emerging church" style service. So I wrote to her, sharing my experience and explaining why I love going to my church here in Dillsburg. Just thought I'd post an excerpt from that e-mail and begin telling my story.

I've grown up mostly in non-denominational and "emerging" churches for most of my life. When I was young we lived in Houston, and attended one a Vineyard church, which was a good experience (vibrant worship, etc....). My family left Houston at the beginning of the Toronto revival movement, when the whole "being slain in the spirit" thing started happening. I was a teenager then, and some of the experiences were moving, but at points I don't think I understood it very well. Then we moved to VA to a small college town and we went to the church my parents had gone to 20 years earlier, when my dad was in grad school. It was non-denominational, but my parents' reaction when we returned was "it was the same people sitting in the same chairs (70's folding chairs with bright yellow cushions) wearing the same clothes and singing the same songs". For some reason they stuck it out, hoping to convince their friends of the benefits of moving into the modern world, and really discovering what it meant to be a Christian in the context of a broader society. Well, four years later, the church split after a HORRIBLE year of fighting, secrecy, gossip, and all sorts of crazy stuff (like a woman accusing another of demon possession and extracting spiritual power every time they hugged). It was insanity (literally, perhaps!)

All of that happened my senior year of high school, and I went off to college kind of bitter, hurt and not knowing what to think or how to trust or relate to Christians. I never gave up on Christ, but Christians were another story. I still was unsure of more traditional churches, because they didn't produce that exhilarating feeling or the emotional high of the Vineyard type And I wasn't quite ready to trust people either. For a year I went to a large church with several services. I always went to the middle service and felt shuffled in and out to make room for the next crowd. It was hard to connect with people because there were just so many people there. In the meantime back home, my parents were going to another "emerging" church which was great, with its freedom and, yes, it did that painting thing too! But when I went home and would cry because of the bitterness and hurt I had towards the church that split, people would lay hands on me and try to get me to somehow have complete spiritual healing all in one day. And that didn't feel right either. I needed to have time to grieve and process the living hell church people put me through during my senior year in high school, which was supposed to be a great time in my life.

So my second year of college, I happened upon a church that was Brethren in Christ. I was a little wary at first; because the little I knew about the denomination was that they started in PA and were from the Anabaptist, Weslyan and Pietist traditions. I was envisioning a church just one step closer to the modern world from the Amish, with traditional sits and stands and passing the peace and the Apostle's Creed and only super old hymns. Not that any of that is bad, it's just not what I thought I was looking for at the time.

To my utter surprise, the church was nothing like what I had envisioned. We went the first Sunday, and people were nice - came up to us, introduced themselves, and it was a good service. A mix of more contemporary songs and traditional hymns, a really neat and well balanced service. The message was good, but what I liked the most about it was that there was a time between the singing and the sermon for anyone in the congregation to share what God had been doing in their life. Old, young, mentally handicapped, whatever, you were free to share any experience you thought would benefit the church. So I thought, hmm, that's neat, maybe I'll come back. The next week, we returned, and what stood out to me was PEOPLE REMEMBERED OUR NAMES. Not just one or two people, but everyone we had talked to that first week. And as my roommates and I kept attending, it was just evident that God's love was there. There were special Sundays like "special needs" Sundays, where the mentally challenged lead worship and shared God's love. They had missions Sundays where we would gather for a meal native to the country of our speaker after church. They talk about things relevant to everyday life, not always some lofty "spiritual" lesson, though they have those too.

I guess what I love the most about my church is the genuineness of the people in it. These are everyday people living everyday lives who are Christians too. We debate about politics and social justice issues. The church is constantly trying to make the church accessible to people that might never want to step foot in a "church". We have dinner theaters every year to just have fun and enjoy a play with a message such as getting along with difficult people, or just trying to give people a chance to laugh and enjoy life. (The first dinner theater I went to was a sock hop theme, with swing dance lessons before the play!) I have felt totally comfortable taking my non-Christian friends to church with me – I know that they will hear God’s word in a relevant, non-threatening way, and I’ve seen my non-Christian friends changed by what they’ve heard at my church. I guess the best way to say it is that the people in this church care about each other and everyone around them, and are down to earth, NORMAL people. They don't condemn movies or on the other end overspiritualize anything; yet if you meet them, you can tell that something is different. No one is pushy about their faith or trying a bunch of gimmicks to get you to come to church, or convert. They're just living their lives, genuinely concerned about others, and inviting them along on their journey. They are honest about their joys as well as their failures, and are willing to share life's experiences and come alongside when you just need an ear to listen.