New place

Thought I'd put up pics of my new place!

The front:



The back with a nice deck for grilling :)



The garden, with some zucchini and eggplant growing. If only the animals will stop chewing on it! Guess I should put up some fence, huh? :)





More to come soon....

Reflections

I've been reminded a lot lately of all that's gone on in the last year - lots of changes, lots of good things, lots of joys, lots of fears and unknowns. My friend Cheryl always says to me - think of where you'll be in a year from now, looking back. Kind of interesting - I don't remember exactly how I felt a year ago - July 6th, 2009. I imagine I was a combination of nervous and excited and certain but uncertain at the same time. My roommate had just moved out to get married, leaving me alone in the farmhouse, and I was a few hours away from defending my Ph.D. - a few short months after my committee told me I might get a Master's degree. I didn't have a job, and was getting ready to move back in with my folks, leaving the farmhouse in Hershey that I had called home for 4 years. Quite a lot going on, wasn't there?

And here I am today, July 6th, 2010. New state, new house, new job, on my way to new friends and new routines. Lots of things have been good, especially in the last 4-5 months that I've been in NC. Lately though, I've been really down on myself, letting those old familiar fears creep in somewhat. Your experiment isn't going to work, or get done on time, your boss is not going to think you're doing a good job, what if it fails, what if, what if, what if. Couple that with a pretty busy last few weeks with moving and traveling, and you have a recipe for a potential emotional disaster!

Fortunately though, God has been reminding me of his faithfulness and provision over the last year, and how his sense of timing is perfect. All of those times that I complained that I wasn't getting done faster (like in '07, '08, or '09) or that there were absolutely no leads on the job market.... and literally my current bosses were granted their funding October 1st, 2009, 3 weeks before I first interviewed at Duke for what has turned out to be an absolute perfect fit in terms of jobs. He's reminded me of his faithfulness in so many ways - rediscovery of my talk to CMS buried in my laptop (It was "thoughts on God's faithfulness and puzzle-making"), church on Sunday, Christian radio on the way home. It's been good to remember and to run to Him - makes the fear go away and not as prominent in my mind.

I'm reminded also to not worry about the things that "haven't happened yet". I am still looking for a church, and that had kind of been my primary focus - trying to "make it happen" so to speak. Sunday, I went to a church that totally isn't where I'm going to end up, but it was just what I needed for that Sunday, and the message completely fit with what God was telling me. It might not have happened if I had found the right church already. Why worry about finding Mr. Right or the fact that sometimes it feels like it's taking FOREVER with no leads.... oh yeah, God took care of the job situation when it took FOREVER with no leads...

Deuteronomy 10:20-21 Fear the LORD your God and serve him. Hold fast to him and take your oaths in his name. He is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes.

50 Days, 315 left

This was the kind of random greeting I got from my e-mail calendar the other day - hard to believe we've already gone 50 days into the new year! Time flies when you're having fun, I guess.

Today has been a pretty good day - a fair amount of alone time and just hanging out, which has been nice. This morning I started off with reading through "Living the Christian Year" by Bobby Gross. I decided to catch back up with reading, as I had been to an Ash Wednesday service this week, which was a good chance to reflect and just be at peace and connect with God. Just by way of background, I don't come from churches with a lot of traditional elements in them, so celebrating Lent is kind of a new thing for me. In fact, I don't think I have been to an Ash Wednesday service before this.

Anyhow, the service on Wednesday was really neat, so I wanted to read Living the Christian Year, both for background and to further connect with the idea of Lent. Some things really spoke to me from the book.

In his discussion of Lent, Bobby Gross states: "Each year, the season of Lent asks us to embrace a spiritual gravity, a downward movement of soul, a turning from our self-sufficiency and sinfulness. In such a quiet turning, we are humbled and thus made ready to receive from God a fresh and joyous grace."

Later he states: "...fasting is much like sabbath-keeping: a restriction that creates space for God....Fasting then, is to deny ourselves food for a time in order to more vividly know Jesus as the source of our sustenance and being."

That just really spoke to me, particularly about the "quiet turning" and creating space for God. My life hasn't been particularly hectic these past few weeks, but I do feel like there is constantly something going on, something demanding my attention, especially if I let it do so. It's just a neat picture of slowing down and creating space for God, and that's why we fast. It's not because it is such a particularly spiritual thing, or that it will earn us brownie points with God - but rather, it is a nourishing, pure thing that allows us to more fully connect with God and receive what he has for us. What a neat thing indeed.

Reflections

It's been an interesting day - this week seems like it has flown by. The first half of the week was work intensive and chilling in the evenings, and the second half is lighter at work, and evening intensive. So I guess that's good. I went to a Bible study tonight that was really good - I think there's going to be some good friends that come out of it.

I've been marveling the last few days about how perfectly this job fits me, and how God just brought it about. It's been neat telling people how God dropped it in my lap, and then remembering how everything really did come together. And then hearing how impressed everyone was with me when I interviewed, and hoping that I would accept the job.... what a new feeling. Almost 1 yr ago exactly, I was told that I might get a Master's degree! And here I am today. God has been so faithful, and so awesome to me.

I've been comparing that to stories that people are telling me about their lives, and how different it is for people who don't know Christ. A friend who also moved here from PA is upset that after all this education, we're still in a period of training, and don't make any money. They're dissatisfied because the job market is "so bad" for PhDs. So many people have either been divorced or had parents who are divorced. A lady at work tells me today that her 8 y/o daughter's dad is coming to pick her up - "well, you can't really tell, but you have to pick one of them as the dad when you find out you're pregnant..." So sad! And such a contrast.

Life is interesting for sure. I'm just praising God for His abundant goodness to me, and praying for opportunities to befriend and share with others I meet on a day-to-day basis.

Settling in

Just an update on how things are going - it's only been a week, but it feels like so much longer. Not in a bad way, just that I guess a lot has happened, and I've had to learn or retrain my brain on just about everything. Although, I can sucessfully get to work and back without a GPS! Wahoo! Getting back is easy, there's only 2 ways to go. Getting to work is another challenge - there's about 8 ways to Sunday to go, and each one takes WAY longer than it should. Guess I'm used to living right near where I have to be... :)

Let's see... some highlights from the week.
- I discovered that NC has absolutely NO IDEA what to do when that white stuff comes down from the sky. My dad and I were laughing at what passes for plowing and snow plows on Sunday, and ironically, several of the accidents we saw were snowplows that had driven off the road and were stuck in snow banks. School was cancelled for 3 days and a two hour delay on Thursday, and we only got 5 inches total, and the snow/ice melted by Tuesday night. Guess it's good we're not getting the snow that's in PA right now - we'd be shut down until spring!

- I finally had a chance to go to the doctor yesterday and got antibiotics. I don't feel that much better yet, but at least my head is not exploding as much from the sinus pressure.

- I really like my place and my roommates - it's going to be a neat living situation I think. I have 4 roommates - Amy, Lizzy, Katie, and Ashley. More on the house later, when I have a chance to dig out my camera and take some pictures.

- Work is going to be good. It was a little slow at points this week, and there's a lot to take in. But I have been so content this week with where God has me. I can see that I'm exactly where I need to be, and exactly the level I need to be at. It's not too challenging to be over my head and frustrating, but not too easy that I'll be bored. It really is perfect. It's also neat to be at the next level up in terms of quality and expectations. Not that Hershey or PSU was a bad school or slacked off, it's just that this is definitely the next level up, which is nice in many ways.

Well, thanks for all your prayers and support - I appreciate them! Please keep in touch. More to come soon!

Blog Revival

Howdy everyone! Just thought I'd revive my blog now that I'm moving, as a way to keep in touch. Enjoy! :)

Stars in the sky

The other day I was walking outside at night, looking at the stars up above. I love stars - there's just something so neat walking around, looking up at them on a warm summer night, or a crisp fall evening. The last week or so I've felt a little alone at times, and as I was walking, I was wishing there was someone there to enjoy the stars with me. At that moment, God exclaimed (somewhat indignantly, if I may say so) - Hey, what about me? I'm here with you now! And besides, I made the stars, and put them there just for you! Could that other person do that?

Thanks God for that reminder of how great you are, and the amazing, BIG things you do each and every day for us. We take it so for granted most of the time.

From Psalm 147 and 148:

Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting....He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names.

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord from the heavens; praise him in the heights!
Praise him, sun and moon, praise him all you shining stars!
Let them praise the name of the Lord! For he commanded and they were created. And he established them forever and ever; he gave a decree, and it shall not pass away.

Does anyone else see the irony?

So I just recently heard about twitter, which seems slightly ridiculous to me, given the myriad ways of "keeping in touch with someone". But here's a very ironic/oxymoronic statement to me that I found on the twitter website.

With Twitter, you can stay hyper–connected to your friends and always know what they’re doing. Or, you can stop following them any time. You can even set quiet times on Twitter so you’re not interrupted.

Twitter puts you in control and becomes a modern antidote to information overload.

Twitter is an antidote to information overload? More like another major contributor to information overload in my mind :)

Reminder

I came across this essay I wrote in college, and thought it was a good reminder for some of the things I'm going through now.

One of the questions that I am frequently asked is “You’re a Biochemistry and Spanish double major? How in the world will that combination go together?” This is often asked incredulously, as if I am out of my mind to even consider such a difficult pathway. Over the past three years, I have learned that God often calls people to do the unexpected and extraordinary in order that his glory may be manifested in all that we do and say.

My professors are continually encouraging me to develop my abilities in whatever areas that God has blessed me with talent and interest. God is not limited by our human condition, so why should we attempt to limit the effects of his endless creativity and interaction in our lives? I believe that vocational calling involves not only one’s given job or intellectual interests, but that it encompasses the multiple talents we as humans possess. I am grateful for Messiah College’s emphasis on the development of the whole person, for it has encouraged me to seek to integrate the multiple interests that I have, including my love of science and my love of the Spanish people. Once we become free of the mentality that our vocation is somehow separate from our Christian faith, we can be free to fulfill God’s richest plans and desires for our lives, and in turn effectively share Christ’s love with others.

As I have grown here at Messiah, I have learned that our Christian witness is not just limited to times of concentrated witnessing. The Christian witness is most effective when others see Christ’s influence in all aspects of our lives, including our intellectual pursuits and our day-to-day actions. This involves taking time out to notice others and their struggles and needs, instead of allowing busyness to interfere with our relationships to others. The world yearns to see Christians who have the freedom of Christ’s love, yet often the world sees us as hypocritical and people living two lives – a “secular” life and a “Christian” life. One of my current goals is to seek to exemplify Christ in all that I do, whether I am pursuing intellectual goals, leisure activities, or simply relating to others who come into my path throughout the day. Philippians 1:27 says: “Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the Gospel of Christ.” Only when I have lived up to this standard will I have fulfilled Christ’s calling for my life.

Good days

It's been a surprisingly good day. I don't know why having a good day is surprising - maybe because it's been pretty relaxed, and I've goten some things accomplished, but not so much that I feel stressed out. The past week or two has been rough in spots - I'm trying to get myself to do what I know I need to do (and to do things consistently!) and I've also been trying to work through some things regarding friendships and other relationships. While things have been hard, God's been reminding me of instances in the past where he's seen me through, and the end result is good, even though it looked like there was no hope at the moment. Part of why today has been good is that there has been a lot of time for relationships - sending a graduation card to my best friend, writing another friend a letter, and getting ready to hang out at HersheyPark tonight. Yesterday was encouraging as well - a note from a college roommate was so encouraging and a reminder of how God has really worked in that relationship.

I kind of like the weather today too - subdued a bit, kind of cozy, a good day for slowing down and thinking.

Well, I hope you have a great day too, wherever you are.

Now I'm off to mow the lawn before it rains for the next few days :)

Beautiful

This just really spoke to me this morning when I read it. We believe so many lies about ourselves, don't we? Yet God has an answer and God has truth for us in everything, if we would just listen to him.

From Daily Light for April 10th:

Morning
I am very dark, but lovely.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.—“And your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord God.”—“I am a sinful man, O Lord.”—Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful!—“I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”—You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”—When I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.—“Take heart, my son; your sins are forgiven.”—For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.—And you have been filled in him.—Mature in Christ.

You were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.—That you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

Song 1:5; Ps. 51:5; Ezek. 16:14; Luke 5:8; Song 4:1; Job 42:6; Song 4:7; Rom. 7:21; Matt. 9:2; Rom. 7:18; Col. 2:10; Col. 1:28; 1 Cor. 6:11; 1 Pet. 2:9

Accents

Of course there are a million little "what is your accent" things on the internet, which are always fun. Languages and accents and word choices have always fascinated me (guess it's good since I like to travel!) This one was funny though, in a couple different ways. Apparently I have a "Midland" accent.

"You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.

Interesting, since I am from PA, but haven't quite fully embraced my Pennsylvania-ness. I had to crack up though at "you have a good voice for TV and radio"! maybe if this whole grad school thing doesn't work out....

Update

So it's been a while. Funny thing is, as I was reading back through things today, I realized tha I need to hear the exact same things I was thinking about in the last few posts.

I've also been thinking about how the last month or so, or really the last week or so has been really hard. And I've been really frustrated with God for different reasons. Yet in thinking about what I wrote, or events that have happened over the last year or so since I started the blog, I realize that things that were hard then turned out ok in the end. Or at least they've turned out okay thusfar.

I've also been thinking a lot lately about Hind's Feet on High Places, and how I'm like Much-Afraid sometimes. She gets to a point where she has to make a choice to follow the Shepherd no matter what. She has to get to the point where she will trust and follow him even if he were to deceive her.

"Would you be willing to trust me," he asked, "even if everything in the wide world seemed to say that I was deceiving you -- indeed, that I had deceived you all along?"

"My Lord -- if you can deceive me, you may. It can make no difference. I must love you as long as I continue to exist. I cannot live without loving you."

Listening

1 Kings 19:11 The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

I think lately I've been looking for the Lord in the fire and the earthquake and the wind. But I need to stop and listen for the gentle whisper.

Eternal Perspective

Ecclesiastes 3:11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Do you ever feel like you have lost a little bit of your eternal perspective? Like you cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end? I've been thinking a lot about that lately. It's such an easy thing to do too, and hard to diagnose. I mean, I don't feel like I ever really lose my eternal perspective ~ I pray daily, think about God, try to be a witness for him, and go to Bible studies and church, and read my Bible. That's eternal perspective, right? But lately I've been thinking about how we forget the fact that we need to have an eternal perspective, and that it creeps in in sometimes insidious ways. Most often it shows up as selfish prayers. At least in my life anyway.

It's been an interesting last few months, especially since I know change is coming, at least on one or two levels. I still don't know where I'll end up when I'm done, maye staying here in Hershey or moving on. I'm excited by change, ready for change, yet still hesitant in some ways. God has been so good to me in the last few years - He has blessed me with a wonderful apartment, great friends and a caring community, and my family that's nearby. I've especially enjoyed getting to know my sister at lot more and spending time with her. It's been neat having my mom and dad nearby, and going for walks with my mom or lunch with my dad on a regular basis. Moving away would be exciting on one hand - seeing a new city, having new opportunities, etc... But on the other hand, it would be hard to let go of all the good things God has given me right here. I often waste time when I should be doing something else and working hard at the tasks God has given me for the moment.

So when I pray, it's often with a mind toward - "God, it's going to be hard to give this up and start all over. I'm weary, and don't know how well I'll deal with the loneliness or the initial lack of community, or starting all over with the new job, the new community, etc... God, it seems like all of my friends have found someone, or are married, and you haven't provided in that area yet. It would be really nice to have someone to share a life with, and when I move, I can move with/because of them, and not have to strike out completely on my own again. God, please provide a new job with lots of people to interact with, and to glorify you in my relationships. Please be forging my interactions with people ahead of time. It would be really neat to see what you're up to God - I know you're up to good things, but I don't see exactly what they are right now. Help me be patient until you reveal them to me".

While all of that is true, and it's even good to share with God what's going on, I feel that I've been losing eternal perspective. Have I been praising God for the good things he's given me the last few years? Not really. I kind of act like I deserve it, rather than being grateful that he's given me this apartment for the past two years, and allowed my family to live close by. He even provided a second family for me in grad school, and I didn't even ask him for it!

Matthew 7:9 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

Marriage is another place where I think we can often lose eternal perspective. Too often we want to be married to satisfy our longing for companionship and relationship with others. We want it to fulfill our desire for unconditional love. We forget that marriage is an earthly picture of our relationship as the church and the bride of Christ. We should be focusing on making ourselves ready as the bride of Christ first and foremost. Marriage is indeed a good thing, and can provide that companionship and relationship. But if we don't see ourselves as who we are in Christ, as his bride, then we might run into problems later on.

Finally, I've been thinking about eternal perspective and time. Would we waste as much time if we knew that our time on earth is limited and precious? Or would we make eternal choices- kingdom choices with our time? And what do those kingdom choices look like?


Revelation 19:6 Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
"Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
7Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
8Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear." (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)

Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Life

So it's been a while since I've posted. One month to be exact. The past few weeks have been interesting - everything hit the fan, so to speak, and I kind of lost it for about a week. Do you ever have those not eating, not sleeping, panic in the pit of your stomach feelings? The ones that make you go AGGHHHH!!!! Get me out!!! NOW! kind of feelings? Yeah, I had those about a week ago. They cause me to make some stupid decisions, which I had to go back and fix. And then I forced myself to eat properly again, sleep each night, and pray. Well, not just me,I have to admit it was with a little help from my second family :) You know how bad it was when the thought of ice-cream made me nauseous (I know, it was REALLY bad!)

So what am I learning? God is gracious for one. People are generally more gracious than you realize as well. I'm realizing for all the supposed "matureness for my age" I've been told most of my life, I'm still really really young. And that means I make stupid mistakes and need advisors (but those advisors only help when you listen to them!) Even though I can't think of anyone who would say I'm a selfish person, that I still can be selfish without even knowing it. I'm learning to deal with the consequences of what I got myself into, and knowing that it will be ok in the end, even though the process is insane and painful. Learning that God can use hard experiences in our lives to mature us and make us who He wants us to be. An interesting quote (and I paraphrase) - God wants you to get where he wants you to go MORE than you want to get where he wants you to go. Kind of a cool thought, even if the process makes you want to pull your hair out in the meantime.

Bearing fruit takes time

I've been thinking a lot lately about the verses in John - "I am the vine, you are the branches". Thinking about how we have to remain in the vine to bear fruit. And how the fruits of the spirit take time to develop. But so often I pray for things, especially change in my own life, and I don't see immediate results! And I keep praying for a little while, and then I get frustrated with God because it doesn't look like things are going anywhere. But I need to remember that apple trees and pear trees and grapevines don't get planted one day and produce luscious fruit the next. It takes time, and careful watering, and fertilizing, and protection from the wind and hail, and pruning from the gardener. John also says that we must remain in him. He repeats that several times in the passage. We can't just jump ship and uproot ourselves because we aren't producing fruit fast enough. Perhaps sometimes it's a vanity issue? We want to produce lots of sweet, juicy fruit right away so people can come and say "wow! Look at that tree! God must be doing good stuff in them - look how well they are producing!" People don't tend to notice a tree that's just sitting there, in the process of putting forth buds, before the blossoms come out. The other cool thing that I need to remember as well is that each stage of the process is beautiful in its own right. The tree with blossoms is pretty, even though the fruit has not matured yet. And when the fruit is just ripening, that's neat too, to see how it grows and matures. Then the last stage is good as well, when the fully mature fruit is ripe and ready for eating.

John 15:1" I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

Bloom where you're planted

Last Friday I was pretty frustrated - the week was hard, and nothing seemed to be accomplished the way it needed to be accomplished or should have been accomplished. I felt like all week I had been beating my head against the wall and embodying the philosophy "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again". That evening a few of us got together for prayer, as we usually do on Fridays, and one of my friends as he prayed for me and my research said "Father, help Kelly to realize that this is real life. Let her know that life doesn't begin after grad school, that this is real life". I was kind of puzzled for a while, and mad a little, because I didn't want that to be real life! Real life is supposed to be good, supposed to be hard for a little while, and then get better, especially if you pray a lot about your situation. I mean, God can't keep not answering your prayer forever, right?

As is often the case when God is trying to speak to me, he doesn't just say things once and leave me alone. Last week, I had heard a sermon about how Joseph, and how he was faithful even in the middle of his story. It was hard, and took YEARS to get out of it, but God gave him big things to be in charge of, because he was faithful in little.

The sermon this Sunday was on Jeremiah 29 and how the Israelites were in exile, but told to settle down, plant fields and harvest them, and to give their sons and daughters in marriage. What?? Kind of crazy, since they were in exile, and that's certainly not what God had in mind for them. But it was a good reminder to me - this is real life. I can't always be looking forward to the next step, trying to ignore or avoid or bypass what's going on right now, in front of me. Kind of also reminds me of the movie Mary Poppins. Remember the point in the movie where the twins could talk to the birds in their window? And then the twins got older, and no longer understood the birds. I don't want to get to the point where I no longer hear the birds, no longer see what's right in front of me, just because I grow up and other things crowd me out. May I be like a little child, coming to my Father, trusting him to carry me through day by day, and truly experiencing real life, here and now.

Don't throw stones in a glass house

It's been a crazy few weeks. Not only was I sick for a little bit, but life's been kind of generally nuts. And crazy old me decided that I wanted to be right, nad things weren't going well, so I picked fights with God. The thing about that is that strangely enough, God's always right. Man, I hate that!

It was funny, I had been complaining to God a lot about a situation at work. This one person, a grown man who should know better and outwardly has so much going for him decided to squash me and run all over me for no reason. He has no regard for anyone else, does whatever he wants without thinking of how it will hurt other people, intentionally makes himself look better, whines about everything, wants what other people have, and generally makes life miserable for everyone. He also asks people to do things for him, then disregards what they have put in place, doing what he wants anyway. It got to the point where I would duck into the bathroom when I saw him coming because I couldn't stand it any longer.

Fast forward to Friday night. Keep in mind, I have been kind of mad at God, since nothing is going my way, and I feel like David - "why O Lord, do the wicked prosper?" Joanna was out of town, and I hadn't slept well in a while, because of being sick. I woke up around 2 am and was kind of jumpy, because there were all sorts of strange noises. I kind of whined to God - please, can I just get some sleep?! And then it hit me. I am just like this person at work. I whine and complain when I don't get my way. I want what other people have sometimes. I ask God for advice and help, and then end up doing what I want anyway. What if God decided I was on his last nerve and ducked into the men's room everytime I came to him? What if he can't stand the sight of me, and wants to leave the room because my sins are so glaringly evident?

Praise God that he doesn't. Another interesting thing that happened was that one afternoon I decided that I had enough of being a Christian. Oh, I don't mean I didn't want to follow God anymore, or doubted my faith. I just didn't want to BE a Christian or at least ACT like one. So I decided to purposely remove my "christian" hat, so to speak and forget I was a Christian for one afternoon. I would have my 2 cents worth with everyone I was mad at, and that would be it. God would forgive me, my anger would be out, life would be better. The strange thing was, I couldn't remove my "christian hat". It wasn't so simple as taking off a piece of clothing and setting it aside. It was more like trying to pull apart slime or goo or getting rid of bread dough from your fingers as you knead it. Being a Christian is so much a part of me, so ingrained in my being, you can't just set it aside at a whim. It was quite a revelation.

Romans 8:31
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
36 As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[l]

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Pile higher and Deeper (aka Ph.D.)

This is for all of you in grad school or those of you who can identify with someone in grad school...these comics are great!

www.phdcomics.com/comics.php

(sorry, for some reason I can't get blogger to make it an actual link...)